Tales of horror relating to travel can be quite common. Some are worse than others, but most go along the lines of airport delays, lost luggage, or hellish hotels. I’ve had more than my fair share of travel woes, and some of them are pretty high up there on the list of awful experiences.

Back in 1995, whilst at University, I played a lot on a particular online game, a text based Multi User Dungeon. The servers and staff were based in Germany, and a large majority of the players were German, but it was an English language MUD. The staff decided a meet up would be a really cool idea, and so set a date in October for a weekend get together in Cologne. I decided to go, and booked a train ticket to take me there via the Channel Tunnel - Cardiff to London, London to Brussels, Brussels to Cologne. I was invited to stay with one of the MUD staffers, a guy called Frank. He would meet me at the local S-Bahn train station when my train got in at around 8pm. Things are never that easy though, right?

I got to Brussels fine. I even had time to get something to eat before my connecting train to Cologne. The train to Cologne itself, though - that was a different story. There were massive delays en route. Just after passing through Aachen, the train stopped. And waited. And waited. By the time I finally got to Cologne, it was 11pm. Problem was, I didn’t have Frank’s phone number. I just had to hope that he was still at the S-Bahn station. No such luck. I got there, and the place was absolutely deserted. No staff, no other passengers. Large car park, completely empty. Close to midnight.

I studied German up to the age of 14. The only sentence I fluently remembered was, ‘Wie komme ich am besten zum Bahnhof, bitte?’ Given I was already AT the train station, not particularly helpful! Only one thing I could do - I went to the nearest payphone and dialled 112, emergency services. The operator answered, and I crossed my fingers and said, ‘Do you speak English?’ Someone up there must have figured I needed a break, because thankfully, she did. I explained what had happened, and ten minutes later a police car turned up to take me to Frank’s house. I wished I did speak German, because the police officers gave him a very stern talking to when he answered the door!

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We tendered off the coast of the sunny island of Santorini early in the morning, and Nan and I waited until a little later in the morning before catching the shuttle boat to avoid a queue. As it turned out, we had to contend with a queue anyway on the island to catch a cable car. Santorini is basically a town nestled way on top of a cliff. There are three options to reach it - by donkey, by cable car, or by walking up 645 steps. I would have liked to try the donkey one way, but it was the cable car that we settled on.

In the queue, I paused to take a picture of a house built into the side of a cliff, only to realise that I’d left the memory card back on the ship. I kept my fingers crossed that I’d find a place that sold memory cards in the town - thankfully, I did. Overpriced, to be sure, but I didn’t want to miss any photo opportunities.

Santorini is stunningly beautiful. Like Mykonos, the houses are all whitewashed, with touches of blue here and there. There’s a church on every corner, or so it seems. Also like Mykonos, unfortunately, the streets are packed full of tourist shops. I understand that the islands must make their money through tourism, but I bet it would have been lovely to see the island before it became a tourist attraction.

Back on the ship, Damien had arranged for us to visit the wheelhouse (bridge) as we left Santorini. Marianna met Nan and I, and took us through the crew areas to reach the (very well) secured door. My first thought on entering was, “Where’s the wheel?”. Everything is computerised now, and instead of a wheel they have rows of electronic consoles with masses of digital readouts, switches, handles and toggles. The whole front and side walls of the bridge are windows, so we had a fantastic view as we pulled away. Because we were tendered, there was no port to pull out of, so we just turned out and cruised past little islands dotted here and there. On either side of the bridge, there are two square rubber mats which, when pushed away, reveal clear windows that give you a view right down to the sea. Yes, I stood on one.

We’d been there for around 15 minutes when the door opened and another group of people were led through. They were the Captain’s Club guests, passengers who’ve cruised with Celebrity over 10 (I think) times. All of them seemed to be extremely knowledgeable about sailing, and some of them apparently owned their own boats. A senior member of bridge staff was explaining all about the ship, and answering various questions. I noticed a pull cord on the wall, with the label ‘Man Overboard’ on it, and just had to ask what happened if someone went overboard. The bridge officer said that it took about a mile for the boat to stop. He also said that, dependent upon where the unlucky person fell from, they may not be alive to rescue. A fall from the 12th floor, for example, would almost certainly kill a person. I made a mental resolution not to fall over the rail of our 10th floor veranda! All ships also carry out rescue missions, if necessary. We were told that last year, they had rescued a tiny little boat full of immigrants who were illegally attempting to reach American soil. The boat was close to capsizing, so they plucked the immigrants out to safety. Unfortunately for the poor guys, they were sent back to their home country - they were only 25 miles away from America.

We dressed for dinner, and headed out to see the show, a violinist. He was very good, but I have to admit that I’m not generally a fan of the violin. To each their own, etc. Dinner was as ever, delicious. Our waiters continue to do a fantastic job. Having asked for a pineapple juice after my orange juice last night, the assistant waiter brought me both. They are wonderful.

Next on our journey is a day at sea - another chance to relax.

Rhodes turned out to be something of a non-starter for us. We woke up late, and Nan wasn’t feeling too well, so we decided to take it easy instead. Both of us booked treatments at the AquaSpa; a hair appointment for Nan, and an Aromastonetherapy full massage for me.

I spent the morning on the veranda and the pool deck, soaking up some sun and taking it easy before heading over to the spa for 2pm. I’ve never had a professional massage before, so I have to admit I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. It was bliss. For over an hour I got kneaded, and it was fantastic. The stones are hot on first contact with the skin, but not uncomfortably so after the initial shock. The only thing I didn’t like about the massage was the greasy-feeling residue from the gel or lotion that was used. I showered that off when I got back to the cabin. Is that something you’re not supposed to do? There’s another sea day before the end of the cruise, so I may well take advantage of it to have another treatment, or get my hair done or something.

The evening entertainment was an excellent pianist called Tommy Bond. He was really energetic and took us on a tour of musical genres. The bingo afterwards still hasn’t yielded any luck for Nan or I. The $1000 dollar prizes are still a nightly thing, but so far, nowt.

Dinner was a light affair for Nan in hopes of settling her stomach. So far (touch wood) I’m ok, so on the menu this evening for me was:

Herb pancake with ratatouille
Sweet corn soup with chorizo
Entrecote steak with baked potato
Chocolate cigar with oranges

Tomorrow we’re tendering at Santorini. The pictures I’ve seen of the island look fantastic, so that should be an excellent camera opportunity.

By the time (the hideously early) morning came round, we’d left behind the choppy seas of the Dodecanese, and were pulling into Kusadasi in Turkey. The last time I visited Kusadasi was on the second week of a 2-week holiday with my brother Chris 11 years ago. We spent the first week in the Bodrum area, then moved north to do Ephesus and Pamukkale. I had fond memories of both, and was looking forward to the all-day trip.

Nan and I were down in the Theatre for 7am, and didn’t have long to wait until we were called for our coach. The itinerary for the day was trips to Ephesus, Magnesia, Miletos and Didyma, all sites of ancient Greek/Roman cities. Our guide was Elif, an art teacher in the winter and a tour guide in summer. She was absolutely passionate about ancient Turkish history, and extremely knowledgable - we got lucky to have her.

Ephesus was just as wonderful as I remembered. The guide Chris and I had when we went must not have been too good - I have very few memories of him. Elif, on the other hand, was a mine of information, with stories of the architects, builders, funding for buildings, and lots of other things. The tour of the city was the longest of the 4 sites we visited, and getting it out of the way first before the sun got too hot was good. By the time we left at around 10am, we were already sweating and glad of the air conditioned bus.

Magnesia and Miletos were smaller stops. A lot of Magnesia is still buried, under water, or under excavation, so there isn’t a lot to see. Miletos was memorable for its excellent theatre. It’s not as big as the one in Ephesus, but in my opinion it’s better. The tunnels are still in tact, there is a sacrificial altar still in place, and there are some excellent carvings. Nan and I were both flagging by the time we reached Miletos, and she sat down on a large stone near the entrance of the site whilst I went and explored the theatre.

Lunch was at a family owned restaurant overlooking the Temple of Apollo at Didyma - extremely filling and delicious, but I declined the fish, which was still whole and boned. I can’t eat anything that’s still looking at me!

Nan chose to stay on the bus at Didyma. I got off, but stayed at the top of the steps and took a couple of pictures in the shade whilst the guide and the rest of the party went down into the ruins.

Our final stop on the tour was at a carpet weavers, were we learnt about the fine art of Turkish carpet making. It was actually really interesting, and the quality of some of the carpets, as well as the time that went into creating them, was amazing. Avoiding the sales pitch at the end, Nan and I wandered through the bazaar, where a shop owner tried to charge us £55 for a sweater that would cost about £30 at home. I think it’s terrible the way people try to rip you off.

A shower was most definitely a priority on our return to the ship, as well as recovery time. I’d burnt my feet, and now have lovely white sandal-strap marks across my otherwise red feet.

The evening entertainment was a huge Mediterranean buffet and party on deck 11. Unfortunately, the wind was blowing up something awful. Nan got cold and went downstairs, and I stuck around for a while longer before disappearing below too. The day really wore us both out, and I think we needed the rest!

Tomorrow is Rhodes, but we don’t have a tour planned. We’ll be playing it by ear.

Sailing into Mykonos in the morning was probably the best port arrival to date. The island was blessed with a really strong breeze that, after the heat of Athens, was an amazing relief.

With no tour planned, Nan and I had a lie in, before getting up for breakfast then heading down to get a tender boat to land. With the island being pretty small, large cruise ships can’t dock there, so a shuttle boat is required - the same’s going to happen at Santorini later in the week.

Mykonos itself is extremely beautiful. The island is a mass of whitewashed houses, little churches with blue domes, windmills, and narrow marbled winding streets. Apparently, the streets were designed that way to confuse attackers in older days. Nan and I made our way past a vast throng of tourist shops. It’s clear that the island makes its living through the tourist industry - all the houses seem to be shops on the ground floor, and living quarters above. We walked up the hill to a row of 5 windmills that overlooked the bay. The breeze was strongest here, and the two of us could honestly have stayed there all day. We spent a couple of hours there in total before heading back to the ship for a relaxing afternoon.

As the ship departed that evening, the breeze that had been so welcome earlier in the day made the seas choppy. There wasn’t massive rolling or anything, but enough movement that I was definitely not happy. We headed down to the theatre for the evening show, Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll, dressed for our second formal night. [I was SQUEEZED into my dress. Definitely got to do something about that when I get home.] The show was good, but I was feeling increasingly unhappy. I wasn’t nauseous, exactly, but I really don’t enjoy rocking boats, and had the beginnings of a headache. The $1000-prize bingo game was not won by either of us, unfortunately. We headed to dinner, and I opted for two courses only:

Sirloin steak
Plum sorbet

There was 70s and 80s entertainment in the Savoy that evening, which I’d really wanted to go to, but instead I decided to go back to the cabin, lie down, and generally feel sorry for myself. Probably the earliest night to date.

Tomorrow is Kusadasi, Turkey. It’s been 11 years since I was last in Turkey, and I can’t wait to see Ephesus again. The tour is a day long, and we have to meet for departure at 7.15am.

The ship docked at Piraeus early on Tuesday morning. By the time Nan and I woke up, the ship was stationary in port. After 24 hours at sea, it was strange to open the curtains and see land outside! Stepping out onto the veranda was like stepping into an oven. Piraeus was HOT. The forecast temperature was around 38C, but our tour guide was of the opinion that it may well have been hotter than that.

We’ve missed breakfast in the dining room since the first day, so we headed up to the Oasis again, which is where we seem to be eating most of our meals. There’s a wide variety of food though, so it’s not dull or samey.

At 10.20am we made our way down to the Rendezvous to meet the guide for our 2 hr Easy Athens tour. It turned out to be something of an exclusive tour, as only 8 people signed up for it. I couldn’t help but notice that I was the youngest person on the trip by at least 2 decades! We got taken through Piraeus port on a shuttle bus, then transferred onto a minibus for the tour. Winding our way through Piraeus and on to Athens, our guide gave us a potted history of the area. It was rather like the Etna Scenic Drive tour in that there were lots of interesting things to see, but unfortunately few opportunities for photography. We made two stops - one at the old Olympic stadium, which made me wonder how people could have managed to sit out in the blistering heat to watch the games, and one at the Acropolis to see the Parthenon. Vehicles had to stop about halfway up the hill, so to see the Parthenon properly (as opposed to by just looking up the hill), tourists have to walk up or catch one of the little snake-trains. I was really disappointed to find out that we only had 20 mins there, not enough to walk up the hill or take the snake-train. I made do with taking pictures, but I guess I’m just going to have to visit Athens another time to see all the sights properly.

The afternoon back on the ship definitely called for some cooling off, and the pool beckoned for the second day in the row. I even sat out on deck reading for a while, sitting in the shade but enjoying the temperature.

The evening show was an American comedian by the name of Fred Klett - he got some good laughs from an initially slow audience. I have a feeling the heat had sapped everyone’s energy! A $500 prize bingo game afterwards wasn’t lucky for Nan or I, but tomorrow is another day, and a guaranteed $1000 jackpot.

Damien and Marianna were able to join us in the Orion for dinner. On the menu:

Goats cheese and potato gratin (far and away my favourite appetiser so far)
Beef consomme
Roast turkey and stuffing with candied sweet potato
Apple tart and butter pecan icecream

After dinner, we went upstairs to the Savoy for a Newlywed/Not-so-newlywed game show. Four couples whose marriages ranged in length from 4 months to 57 years played the old ‘Mr and Mrs’ TV game show, which turned out to be hilarious. Two answers which will live forever in my mind:

“What is your husband’s favourite condiment?”

The wife ummed and aahed, and then finally said, “Salt.”
On his return, the husband frowned, thought long and hard, and said, “Trojan.”

EVERYONE in the nightclub fell about laughing, and thunderous applause ensued.

The second question was:

“Where is the most unusual place you and your wife have made love?”

The husband of four months looked embarrassed, and said, “The kitchen.”
On her return, the wife laughed and admitted, “The bathroom of this cruise ship.”

Tomorrow is Mykonos. Nan and I have no tour planned, but Damien has said the island is easily viewable on our own, so that’s what we’re going to do.

Having left Messina, the ship started a long journey from Sicily to Piraeus, Greece. It meant a full sea day, so the on-board activities were stepped up.

With nowhere to be in the morning, I managed to get a bit of a lie in. Nan was up very early to head off at 7.35am to the 8am Catholic mass service - she goes on a daily basis at home, so she wasn’t going to miss out here. As it turned out, the priest had forgotten to set his watch forward an additional hour to account for the Greece timezone shift, and he didn’t show up until 8.20am, full of apologies.

As the Orion was closed for breakfast, Nan and I had something to eat in the Oasis Cafe instead, before splitting up to do our own thing for a while. I headed for the pool to cool off, and found it a bit TOO cool. It took me about 5 minutes to edge my way into the water, squeaking like a coward. Once in though, it was fantastic. It was my first time swimming in a very long time, but definitely something to do again whilst I’m here (and at home!).

Nan and I went to a beauty seminar at lunchtime, and played bingo in the afternoon. Neither of us have had any luck yet, but there’s still a week to go!

The evening was the Captain’s welcome toast in the theatre (and an introduction to the chief officers, including Damien), followed by a show called Elements - song, dance and gymnastics. The two gymnasts were absolutely amazing - so talented and flexible. The 4 lead singers had fantastic voices, almost operatic in the case of one of the women.

Dinner was as delicious as ever. Damien joined us for part of it. On the menu:

Baked anjou pear and gorgonzola
Cream of chicken soup with almonds
Filet mignon with goose liver pate (over done slightly more than my requested medium-well, but lovely nonetheless)
Apricot tart with pistachio icecream

The late evening entertainment was an 11pm 007-themed party in the Stratosphere Lounge, with disco/dance music. I took Nan along, and we had drinks with Marianna, but it was too loud and late for her, and she left shortly after we finished the first drinks. I stayed, but as it happened, not for too long. I guess I’d just worn myself out!

Tomorrow we dock at Piraeus for tours to Athens. Damien has booked Nan and I on something called Easy Athens. It includes a trip to the Acropolis, which I’m really looking forward to.

Our first port of call on the cruise was Messina, Sicily, but we wouldn’t be docking until 12pm. After a leisurely pancakes breakfast in the Orion, Nan and I went out separate ways for a while - back to the cabin for me briefly, and up to the sun deck for her.

Damien turned up whilst I was in the cabin. Although he was unfortunately too busy to join us on land as originally planned, he’d booked us on the Mount Etna Scenic Drive tour, which was leaving shortly after we docked.

Pulling into Messina itself is a sight. There was an excellent view from our veranda, as we passed by a gold statue of the Virgin Mary that stands on a column at the entrance to the port. We were told by our guide later in the day that the statue was called Our Lady of the Letters, and the story goes that the Virgin Mary wrote a letter to the Christians in Messina, an extract of which is embossed on the plinth. The extract reads something like, ‘We bless you and your city’, and Mary is said to be the Protector of Messina. There are a cynical number of people, however, that suggest that Mary never wrote the letter or gave her blessing to Messina, given its bloody history - it was invaded numerous times right through to the 19th century, was almost totally destroyed in 1908 by an earthquake and tsunami, and then bombed around 20,000 times during World War II.

We left the ship right on time at midday, walking out into amazingly hot weather before boarding the coach. Our guide, Doris, was extremely good - she gave us a running commentary on the 2 hour drive to Mt.Etna, with historical and factual information on Sicily.

Mt.Etna is visible from many miles away. It’s an active volcano, which has erupted numerous times in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, but there are still many people who live on its hills. The road to it winds back and forth up the mountain, and steam plumes from the main crater. We stopped halfway up to take photos of the view and to look across the old lava flows, which run like scars down the hill. We stopped some way from the summit, at the site of the Silvestri Crater, which was created in an eruption several years ago. It’s safe to walk around, and even walk into, as it’s now sealed. It’s surrounded by more dried lava flows. Nan stayed at ground level, as the hill up the crater was very rocky and slippery. I had a good wander, and we had something to eat before reboarding the coach and heading back to the ship.

We had some more time to relax in the evening before heading down to the theatre to play bingo (one of Nan’s favourite pastimes). No luck, unfortunately - a lady behind us won $400. Dinner afterwards was just as good as the night before. Nan skipped the appetizer and salad course, and I skipped salad, but there was still plenty:

Antipasto platter
Louisiana gumbo
New York Steak
Tiramisu

Having had a glass of wine (a REAL rarity for me) as Dutch courage, Nan and I headed on to the Savoy at 10.30pm for the karaoke. I hopped up to the mic when Shane, the MC, asked for help singing YMCA at the start of the evening, and later also sang We Are the Champions. Nan disappeared off to bed only 30 mins or so before me - a full day at sea beckoned, with a full programme of on-board activities to enjoy.

As I write this entry, I’m sitting on the veranda of a Concierge Class stateroom aboard the Celebrity Galaxy, with Sicily in sight. My Nan and I are on the Eastern Mediterranean 10 day cruise. My cousin works here on the ship, and we were invited along - you don’t turn down an offer like that!

Yesterday morning, we had to get up at a hideously early hour (3.50am) in order to get a lift to East Midlands airport from my long suffering Dad, to catch a 6.30am flight to Rome Ciampino. Damien had told us that there would be Celebrity reps at the airport and we could catch a shuttle bus from there to the port of Civitavecchia. Unfortunately, my aunt had told him that we were flying into Rome Fiumicino - no reps at Ciampino! If I’d been on my own, I would have caught a train up to the port instead, but with Nan and heavy luggage, our only option was a truly expensive taxi that put a real crimp on our Euros. I suspect we’ll be getting more of them before the cruise is out.

Our first day on the ship consisted of being met by Damien (and Marianna, his fiance), given the grand tour, plied with drinks and food, exploring, sunning ourselves, waiting for a room - and we got lucky to get a veranda! - and generally being spoilt rotten.

The ship itself is amazing , absolutely huge. I’ve already spent time wandering around looking lost. There’s a cinema and theatre, numerous places to eat and drink seemingly 24 hours a day, bars, entertainment, a fitness centre, a computer centre… the list goes on.

In the evening, we went to the Orion restaurant for dinner, and the menu was amazing. I think if I keep a running tally of what I eat on board, I’ll not eat again until Christmas, but anyway - last night was:

Shrimp cocktail
Chilled tangerine and apple soup
Romaine lettuce salad
Chicken saltimbocca (ham and spinach)
Raspberry cheesecake and icecream

When we got back to the cabin, our beds had been turned down, we had a chocolate beside the bed, and a chilled bottle of champagne and basket of fruit were waiting for us. Oh yes, and there was a single stem rose in a vase in the bathroom! I’m going to like it here…

Today is a day trip around Messina with Damien, and hopefully Marianna if she can get the time.